If you’ve followed my journey a while, you probably remember my endless whinging at the end of last year when I did my ankle. It pretty much sucked.
It is only now that I am realising how much that injury impacted my confidence as well though.
I wasn’t able to run for all of January, and in February when I got back into it I guess I thought I would be back to where I was in terms of my pace and cardio fitness pretty quickly. It hasn’t worked out like that though.
I’m building mileage steadily, and I know I will be fine to finish the Run for the Kids this weekend and the Great Ocean Road half marathon a month after that.
But I just cannot seem to pick up my pace.
It kind of feels like the Melbourne half last year was a dream or something, because right now I can’t even imaging holding that pace over that kind of distance.
And yeah yeah I know I know I know it doesn’t matter and run your own race and blah blah all the things I say to other people.
But it is FRUSTRATING to have gotten to that point of feeling like I really could do anything and I was only going to get quicker and stronger, and four months later not know if or when I might actually reach that point again.
My mojo has gone missing. I am still getting out the door and doing my runs, because I am accountable to my community and to myself, but right now there isn’t a whole lot of spring in my step.
I had stages like this last year too I remember… months where it just was harder. And I came back from each one quicker and better than I was before. I really hope that happens this time too, because not loving the thing that I usually love so much and that I know helps keep me sane is really hard.
That awful Sussan half marathon last year drained me both physically and emotionally. I went into it wondering if I might pull off a sub 2 hour 21.1kms. Haha. Now I’m not sure if I ever will at all. I hope I will, but that certainty is gone. Which is just shit, really.
Anyway. What an epic whinge.
I need to drink a cup of concrete and start taking the advice I so freely dole out to other people.
I’m going to start with reminding myself of this.
And then I am going to lace up and run, because that is what I was born to do. Maybe not fast. Maybe not as far as I had hoped. But I’m going to do it anyway.
Because I can.