design

The day my son was born twelve years ago a number of new lives began.

The one in which he existed in the world. The one where we became parents. The one where I could never unhear the raw pain in my then husband’s voice on learning the news that his father had passed away very suddenly, not twenty minutes after the birth of his first grandson.

Where I’d expected a time of ‘Oh isn’t he lovely,’ and ‘Ooh aren’t you so clever to have such a wonderful baby?’ and lots of love and support and guidance in surviving those brutally hard first days, instead I found myself trying desperately to hold myself together and support my husband, respect his family in their grief and just quietly get on with caring for my baby and learning to breastfeed and adjusting to waking often overnight and all the other things that come with first time motherhood.

The one time I let go was at my beloved grandfather’s funeral just four weeks later, where I wept and wept out of exhaustion and grief and disappointment and shock at just how unfair the world could be. I remember my Grandma saying to me she knew I was crying for so much more than my Grandpa and that I was strong and would be okay.

I was strong, I come from a line of strong women, and it was mostly okay. In fact that became like a mission for me. So many people told me what a great Mum I was and how relaxed a baby my son was and it felt like the world rewarded me over and over again for sucking it up and staying in control and taking on lots of extra things. I started my first business when that baby was 9 months old and since that time I have always worked from home in some capacity, along with raising my four children and managing a household. I was eternally busy, sometimes stressed, often happy, occasionally terrified and always aware that I needed to look in control, on top of things and like the superwoman I thought I needed to be.

The problem with trying to maintain a perception that may not be reflected in the everyday reality is that when crisis occurs the facade slowly crumbles leaving nothing but the bare truth in its wake.

And the truth is that having faced extreme emotional trauma, fear and stress at the violent collapse of my marriage I have hidden behind busy-ness and my training load and even my children. I’ve done what I have ALWAYS done since those very first days of parenthood, focusing on doing things that would make me appear strong and resilient instead of doing things that would make me BE strong and resilient.

All of this is a very long way of telling you that Operation Move, this beautiful community turned business that I love so much, is not where I can spend my energy any more.

I can’t pretend that recovery is just a side note to the rest of my life any more. It needs my full attention, as do my children.

I need to let OpMove go so that I can find myself again.

There have been so many tears as you can imagine. The best thing is that I am handing this enterprise to the person who I trust most in the world… the one person who loves it as much as I do and who knows what it means for me to walk away.  We’re both pretty heartbroken truth be told, but I know that with Zoey at the helm Operation Move will grow and flourish and be everything we dreamed it would be.

I’ll still be managing the Elite virtual training memberships and I will absolutely be out there repping OpMove at running events and flying the flag high for our community whenever I can, but I’ll be doing it as a community member not a director of the business.

I am so grateful for everything Operation Move has given me; the confidence and strength to change my life forever, the understanding that I could do impossible things be they physical or emotional, a beautiful community for support, inspiration and friendship.

My one wish is that you take full advantage of what our community and our courses can offer you. Zoey is an incredibly dedicated coach and I’ll still be hanging out in Far & Fast enjoying the benefits of her knowledge and wisdom. She and our business manager Kate are going to do amazing things with Operation Move, and I will forever be so proud that the initial idea grew from a blog post long ago when my life was so different.

It’s closing time for me but I’ll still be microblogging at my Facebook page if you’d like to stay in touch over there, and you’ll see me in the Operation Move community group just hanging out with the people I love so much.

Thankyou for your love and support. Thankyou for believing in Operation Move and making it part of your life too. Thankyou for seeing me through the hardest days of my life, and thankyou for letting me go.

I love you. I’ll see you around.

xx Katie

 

“Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.”

Learn to Run starts on the 17th April

Claim your spot today and join the team that is going to support your goals in 2017

Are you ready to take your running to the next level?

Check out Run Club, our Custom Plans or Far and Fast Running Coaching.

Zoey Dowling

Written by: operationmove

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  1. I can imagine how hard this would be for you. Please take care of you and let me know if I can help in any way. xx

  2. Oh, wow, Kate, that must have been such a hard decision to make. Operation Move won't be the same without you. It's your baby as much as your four human children. Take care and get well. Healing takes a very, very long time when you've been abused for a very, very long time. It won't take care of itself, you need it to pay attention to it. Much love to you and your kids.

  3. I can't help but think of the Semisonic song lyrics.... Closing time Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end May you find love and joy in every corner of your world. #opmovesisterhood

  4. Katie, Thank you! Words can not express my gratitude to you! All love to you and yours. Your not closing, your opening the next door, go forth, heal and find your next adventure! Xo

  5. Such a big big decision Kate. But you are so right - the busy just masks a lot of stuff ... and can really get in the way of some important healing and finding oneself. From what I can gather The Op Move community gave you the strength and confidence to walk away from your marriage ... and I know they'll be 100% behind you with this next step xxx

  6. Oh mate. I can wish you nothing but the best for the future. I'm glad you're doing what you need to take care of yourself and I can't thank you enough for what you've given me through OpMove. xox

  7. Oh my! A shock but also a realistic decision made for the best of reasons. You. Your health. Your now & your future. I'm sad for you but also applaud your courage. I recall the post you wrote when you first stepped off that couch & started moving... Love to you my girl.. Denyse xx

  8. Oh Kate, that must be taking so much courage and strength. I'm so sorry that it's come to this but so glad that you're able to make a decision to help yourself.

  9. There is this quote, maybe it's Elizabeth Gilbert that says people keep so busy so that they are so far out in front of their reality it's hard for reality to catch up. But we know reality does catch up. One way or another it does and it's important. How can one heal without going through the 'process'. There cannot be the distractions, all of the busy, all of the cover. Well there can but its fruitless. You're real Kate. Keep it real. Be all of you. There is a time and place for everything and being in the now is so important, not far ahead, you'll miss those bits that you truly deserve to feel on this painfully shit but amazing route. Pity the people that still can't face their reality, one day you'll see what I mean. Your view does change and you will become strengthened. When all my shit happened, an amazing thing happened, so much of the shit I was carrying I discovered wasn't necessary, it was all a cover from my reality that I didn't even understand the abuse and I really believed what I was told, that I was crazy, when truly I was being sent crazy deliberately so I wouldn't find out. Throw that shit to the wind, keep it simple, be there wholy and fully for your kids, surviving with less is a blessing, the noise is less. Then you'll see those parts where your energy flows and nourishes you. Thinking of you darling. It's so hard, but by hell or all of everything, god it's worth it. To be free. Xxx

  10. Wow. This post resonated with me so very much. I wish you so much love and happiness on your journey. I see you and Zoey run and I think "Man I should really do that." I think I might. See you in facebook land xxxx

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